I can’t shake the face of the strange boy from my mind. I keep replaying our first meeting in my head. I see Cassie with that starcrossed look on her face that she saves for her impossible dreams, but instead looking off into the distance like she usually does, she was staring at the boy. Then I see the boy, Sürch, as he called himself, look at her with a repulsing expression. His head then swiveled over to me and flashed a smile of perfectly straight teeth, but I see straight through his fake looks, and right into his stone cold heart. There is room only for one person in it and that is himself. I just wish that Cassie could see what I see in this jerk. She is too innocent and I don’t want to see her get hurt. Its been like this ever since we were little: she was always the creative one with her head in the clouds while I was the grounded one making sure that she stayed safely up there and far away from the terrors down here. So if this boy thinks he can waltz right in here and drag her down from up in the sky and make her fall hard on the ground, well, he is sorely mistaken. I will go to all means necessary to protect my friend.
***
The next morning I get out of bed with the sun. I didn’t get a wink of sleep last night because my mind wouldn’t turn off. Thoughts just kept bouncing around in my head like ping pong balls and all I could see were flashes of faces and events from yesterday. It all felt so surreal, like living in a dream. But I knew it wasn’t a dream.
It amazing how your whole world can change in a second. Yesterday morning all I had to worry about was our upcoming math test and now I have to fret over my best friend being head over heels for a mysterious stranger who I don’t trust in the slightest. Why can’t she fall for Hõss? It’s so obvious that he he likes her - his baby pink skin always seems to be glowing when he is around her and he always has a goofy grin on his face when he looks at her.
Well, sitting here thinking about it isn’t going to solve anything, I decide, so I roll over in my sleeping bag and shake Cassie awake. She lets out a groan that sounds like when Hõss’ mother, Mrs. Oscan, gave birth to her triplets. “What do you want,” she mutters groggily, “I was in the middle of a very nice dream.”
“Cassie, there is something we need to talk about,” I say, my voice low and urgent.
“What is it?” She yawns as she sits up.
“Well,” I begin, not sure if I want to continue this conversation, ”it’s about Sürch.”
Her ears perk up at the sound of his voice. “What about him?”
“Uh, well, you see,” I stammer, trying to get the right words out; I never was very good at this sort of thing. Oh Erissa, what have you gotten yourself into? Well, I already started, so I plow ahead and blurt out, “I don’t trust him and I don’t think that you should either. I especially don’t think that you should go falling in love a person you only just met and don’t know anything about.” I take in a big gulp of air as I finish and look up at Cassie wondering how she is going to take this outburst. I know the old saying is ‘Cat got your tongue,’ but I can never seem to catch my words until its too late.
Cassie looks startled at first, like I have just slapped her across the face, her jaw hanging on the ground and her big blue eyes wide open. Her expression changes from shocked to guarded in order to cover up her hurt. “So that’s the way you feel,” she says coolly, “well, everyone is entitled to their own opinion. But that doesn’t mean that I have to agree with you.”
“But Cassie,” I sigh, exasperated, “there is just something about him. I-I don’t think that he should be trusted.” My voice cracks as I see Cassie’s eyes narrow at me.
“Erissa Nass, you think that I am just going to go along with everything you say? You know what I think? I think that you are just jealous; I have finally found someone I love and you haven’t. You have always been the pretty one and I have always just been the nice girl that who is your friend. I have found love before you have and that drives you crazy!” She isn’t shouting. But I wish she was. It would be better if she was shouting. Her soft voice isn’t lilting like it is normally. It is hard, cold, and hurt. “You better watch it, Erissa,” she growls. Those blue eyes that usually stare at me with kindness now glare at me with such an intensity I feel my eyes burn. With that she rolls up her sleeping bag and stomps out of the room.
***
I can’t believe I just got mad at Cassie. We’re both the same age, but I feel like my intuition makes me older. We both are fiercely protective of each other but I think I went a little too far. Oh, how is she ever going to forgive me? I groan softly as that persisting thought runs through my head yet again.
But, it isn’t only my fault. She knows that my gut feeling is usually right, so why did she get so angry? And what happened to the “nice girl” who was my friend? I always felt like she was the leader of our little pack, that I was the one living in her shadow. Even though Cassie doesn’t like Hõss back - yet - I feel like I am the third wheel around them. Cassie understands Hõss much better than I do, and yet why doesn’t she feel the same way about him as he does for her?
If they get together, I won’t care that I’d be the third wheel around them. At least she won’t fall for that idiotic, narcissistic boy. But I’ll still lose my best friend, even though it won’t be because of our fight. If I can make Hõss do something amazing to get Cassie’s attention, maybe she’ll forget about the outsider. My smile is private, and no one is there to see it except for my reflection, but I don’t care. I bolt towards the bathroom door to brush my teeth, and to think my plan through.
After my shower, I watch my eyes sparkle in the mirror, because I just got the most amazing idea. I’m going to make Cassie fall in love with Hõss.
***
I don’t bother to eat breakfast at Cassie’s. She’d just fume and stare at the wall behind me. Now I know how it feels to lose a best friend. I wish she’d just see reason. But, I can’t help that she has fallen in love with someone who can’t even go a day without looking at his reflection. Furthermore, he could never love her back. It is obvious that he only cares about one. Himself, and no one else can charm her way into his heart. As beautiful as Cassie is, with her daydreamy mind and pale blue eyes, Sürch could never, ever, care even to give her a second glance, so much as looking at her with adoration.
Instead, I go back to my own house, but as I greet my parents with curt hellos, ask them how their trip was, and try to act like nothing is wrong, I can’t shake the feeling that they are ignoring me even more than usual. I try to push aside the feeling like I normally do, but I can’t. I blurt out, “What’s wrong? You are ignoring me, as usual, but you’re acting so cold. Why? Is there something wrong with me? Because my own parents don’t care enough to notice I was gone for a whole night without permission, and I just fought with my best friend!” My voice is quivering with rage. I don’t even know what I am saying but at this point I don’t care, so I let my mouth take over. I am have so many mixed emotions right now that it just feels good to let it out. Unloading on someone else takes some of the pressure off that is threatening to suffocate me. But I then I realize who I just clubbed over the head with my whirlwind of feelings, my parents. They look alarmed, and they have good reason to. I have never talked to them like that before, I have always been the one to hold everything back from them, knowing that they could never understand. I am just as shocked about what I have just done as them. For a moment I just stand there staring at them open mouthed. Paralysed. But the the weight of what I have said comes around and knocks the air back into me. “I’m sorry,” I mutter as I drop my bag on the kitchen counter and dash out the door.
***
I don’t exactly know where I’m going, just that I’m walking around in circles. I finally give up and plop down on one of the hoverseats, and say impulsively in a resigned voice, “Hõss Oscan’s house, please.” The hoverseat lifts itself up with a groan and pushes its way into the air. Great, I got a bad one. But as the chair creakily climbs higher and higher over Eirus, I can’t help but appreciate how nice it looks under the scorching noon sun. The hoverseat glides noisily across two blocks and sets me down at Hõss’ hoverseat station. When I unbuckle myself from it, it jumps into the air and flies away, disappearing as fast as it came.
My hands are shaking and I feel like I am going to cry, but I pull myself together and finally, finally, I am furious at Cassie. I was just sad, and worried, when I told her in the morning, but now, I am letting my anger out. I don’t scream and shout and throw things when I am mad. I glare at everything I can see. Hõss’ mother’s beautiful rose garden, the taut trees looming over me, their branches and leaves smiling at me with delight. And suddenly, I sink down into the grass, the anger draining out of me. I can’t stay mad for long, not when there’s so much natural beauty, unlike the artificial look of Sürch’s plastic face.
I raise my hand to knock on the door, the blue nail polish is wearing way on my nails. But before I can complete my action, Mrs. Oscan opens the door, smiles, and waves me inside with grandiose. She wordlessly gets me a glass of water and some orange juice, and while I drink, she hunts around in her kitchen for the fresh cookies I could smell from outside. My stomach rumbles softly in agreement, and I laugh airily. But in my head, thoughts are going 3000 miles per hour. Sürch. Outsider. Survivor? Should I trust him? Cassie. Hõss. Together. I’m glad I remember why I’m here before I go up to Hõss’ room and blurt out my plan.
“Hõss wasn’t expecting you,” Hõss’ mother says, gently. She knows what I have been through, because her parents were the same way. She confided that in me when I was 5 years old, incomprehensive of why Mom and Dad didn’t care for me as much as their jobs. And Mrs. Oscan is like the mother I have always wanted - she knows when something is wrong. I nod, and tell her what happened and why I needed to talk to Hõss, leaving out the part about my plan, partly because I hadn’t worked that out yet.
And in that split second, I thought of two. He could be her secret admirer - obviously Cassie would know who he is. I also am thinking of something drastic, like spelling her name in the clouds, or kissing her on the cheek. Actually, anything would be extreme for Hõss, who is nothing more than a wimp when it comes to Cassie. I know I am pushy sometimes, and when I lead certain projects, I lead. I can’t bear standing by and watching something I created crumble.
Hõss’ mother returns with my plate of cookies and I take one to ease my nervousness and also to give my hands something to do. I bite a cookie in half, and the crumbs settle on my lower lip. Licking them off, I take a sip of water, trying to stay downstairs for as long as possible to clear my thinking. Mrs. Oscan smiles and heaves herself up, and takes the cookie plate into the kitchen to wash it off. As she steers herself towards the kitchen doors, I stare at her cow tail, the hair at the ends dangling off... Oh no. My cat side is taking over. It only happened once before, when Cassie came home with a bag of catnip that she thought could help with Ms. Hoc’s kittens. I went crazy. But for the most part, I am human. The only cat features I have are on my face - a tiny white triangle of a nose and gray and red striped ears. The same colored tail peeks out of my red jeans.
The whole appearance thing still intrigues me. Almost all of Cassie’s face is dog, while Hõss only has pink tinted skin with various dark spots. All the Hybrids look different. Most of us have animal features on our faces, but some, like Hõss, have very little features displayed on their faces. Everyone who’s parents had tails, have tails. Bird Hybrids are a totally different story. I can’t even think about their diversity because theirs is so much more vast than the other Hybrids. I shake my head to push out the unnecessary thoughts.
Why am I here again? Oh, yeah. Cassie and Hõss together. That’s what I’m aiming for. Stupid Sürch. I smile as I think of more vile insults to the outsider who was thrown into our midst, toppling the only thing I had ever grown to enjoy - my friendship with Cassie. I can’t stand her falling in love with someone and leaving me out. Maybe that’s it. Maybe I’m jealous. But I can’t be! I am trying to keep her safe.
That mantra repeats over and over again in my head until I have convinced myself.
“Are you ready to go up now, Erissa?” Hõss’ mom reappeared from behind the kitchen counter.
Yes. I’m ready, and so I nod slowly. Hõss’ mother smiles and gathers up my empty orange juice glass and water cup to dump it in the sink. I hear her humming an old song, one from before the Wipeout. I often hear this tune playing in the background at Cassie’s house. I keep forgetting the name of the band, but I remember distinctly that it was some kind of insect.
I do the impossible and break my record of how fast I think of my parents after a fight. I see their shocked faces and their smug smiles and my blood boils. Right then, my phone starts beeping. I glare at the screen when I pull it out - Mom. Rolling my eyes, I set it on silent and smile like nothing is wrong when Mrs. Oscan comes back, minus the apron. My head is swimming from all the thoughts about Mom and Dad, and as not to remind me of them, I look up at Hõss’ mother.
“May I go up now? I think I am ready to talk to Hõss.”
© Copyright Roopal Kondepudi, Erin Hearne. All rights reserved.
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